Jump David Jump

The P's and Q's are in order!!!

Just got off the phone with Dr. Awesome who let me know I have a co-deletion of both the 1p and 19q DNA chromosomal arms!  For those of you who don't speak genetics, this is fantastic news!!!

This means that my tumor will be much more sensitive to Chemotherapy and have an improved overall prognosis! WOOT!

I'll keep this post short because I've been bombarding you with online novels recently, but I want to thank each of you for your prayers. The support I have received across the internet has been mind-boggling. Praise God for this good news!

Stay tuned, this story is just starting to get good...

1. Operation 55 Zebra - Grade II - Oligodendroglioma
2. Operation 55 Zebra - Co-Deletion of 1p/19q chromosomes
3. Eat Massive Hot Fudge Ice Cream Sundae

What's with all the Jumping?

I've had a few people ask about the name of this blog, 'Jump David Jump'. In fact, I've even had a few people mention that the title and header graphic are slightly... well, eerie given recent developments. But it's true, this recent discovery of brain cancer will be the biggest opportunity for me to make a change, to move from where I'm at to where I want to be.

I want to take a quick minute to update you on the past, present & future of this blog, because I think it will impact both how I write it and how you read it. Hopefully this isn't boring, but I feel a disclaimer is necessary.

When creating this blog, I had a general idea of what it was about and what I wanted to say.  But honestly, I was too chicken to post my real thoughts. What if I offend someone? What if I don't sound smart? What if someone doesn't think I'm cool anymore? My entire life has been somewhat focused on fitting in and people pleasing and let's face it, blogs about 'people pleasing' don't seem to be in high-demand.

I was too scared to write the things I actually wanted to say so it became yet another boring and rarely visited blog.  However, if I'm going to share God's story of how he has been designing this cancer for my life over the past few years, we should all be on the same page about Jump David Jump.

The elongated version of what I want this blog (or actually my entire life) to be about is below. The following passage was written over 2 years ago and sitting quietly in a file on my computer. However, I've only recently found the guts to start saying what I actually want to say on my blog in the past few weeks.

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‘Jump David Jump’ is a public reminder to myself.  It’s kind of like the online blogging equivalent to girls who wear granny-panties on a first-date.  It’s a reminder not to do anything stupid and hold yourself to a higher standard.  If I must answer to public accountability, I'll think twice about my decisions.

‘Jump David Jump’ took shape after realizing that Settling is Natural.  Regardless of the fact that I read this on a orange juice bottle label, it’s one of those important lessons, manifesting itself in the quirkiest moments affecting the core of who you are as a person.  After reading this simple phrase explaining the nature of orange juice pulp to gravitationally settle on the bottom of the bottle (unless given a good shake), things started to make sense about my life up to this point.

Good things in life (much like tasty orange juice) seem to happen after shaking, not settling.

Looking back at this moment (with the refrigerator door probably standing wide open) I realize I am:

1. Extremely profound in my Issac Newton-ish moment
2. Completely ridiculous and wasting electricty

I think this phrase 'Shake Well, Settling is Natural' printed on that Orange Juice bottle has stuck with me because it does not vilify settling.  Like gravity it is natural, but to work against it takes effort and struggle. For some reason, I think settling works really well for certain types of people.  Many would argue there is absolutely nothing wrong with settling for what life offers you and I’m sure many people are happy accepting exactly what they are given. That's cool. It just never worked for me.

But for whatever reason, this concept of settling has always given me a weird sickly feeling in my stomach that won't leave until I physically do something about it. So I personally assigned the term JUMP to this action of ‘doing something about it’ or to 'physically change what you know the outcome will result in'. Maybe because the word jump actually means a departure from what is solid or what is known, into something new or unknown.  When you jump, there is only so much control as to where you will land. I suppose the fear of where you will land seems to be the only logical reason not to jump in the first place.

As I write this, I have the same sickly feeling saying, don’t put this on the internet. (*Take note: I didn't Jump. I didn't put this on the internet until now)  Don’t tell people this.  Now you are responsible for your actions and feelings when you could just keep it to yourself and be blissfully alone with your own thoughts.

But that is exactly the crap that gets me in trouble.  Being safe.  Staying where I'm at. Remaining who I am with what I know.

In life we all make decisions about how we will live.  Most of these decisions, both big and small, are to either settle for what we know is easy or jump into something new, something different and most likely scary. It’s easy to say that Jumping is always the right decision. It’s not. Sometimes it ends poorly.

For myself, I’ve learned that jumping seems to result in, not an easier life, but a happier life.  When I JUMP, something new always happens and this new thing (whether good or bad) keeps me from getting bored.  And too be honest, my greatest fear in life is boredom.  Jumping gives me new challenges, new problems, new successes, new failures, etc...  It sounds so simple, I know.  But I have to decide if I want to live the same day over and over again or if I am going to invite something new into my life.  This decision is harder than it sounds.

Finally, I realize my life is a constant set of decisions about whether or not I am going to JUMP, whether or not I am going to make a decision based in my safe little world or a decision to take me to a new place in life; maybe good, maybe bad, but different nonetheless.  At least it keeps me from being bored.

I’m not a great writer, an amazing musician or a brilliant director. I’m not a lot of things...  But I am solely responsible for my own actions.  If nothing else, I need to get good at that.

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So, consider yourself caught up, not to where this blog has been, but to what it must become.  I kinda feel like I'm burning bridges because I can't go back to the safe life I previously had. But that's OK, because my life is completely changed. Every day from this point forward I have to wake up and know my days are numbered. Every single day I am going to be faced with a chance to settle or to jump. I feel my focus has been shifted in an amazing way and I pray your focus will also be adjusted through this story.

There you have it. That is why my blog is called Jump David Jump.

Onwards.

I may (or may not) have 10 years to live.

We received great news on Monday. The most important piece of information we could have received is that this glioma was Grade II and oligo-based... and it is! This means the tumor has slowly been growing for a long time and isn't overly aggressive. However, it was also confirmed that the sheer size and location of the tumor definitely makes it inoperable. So we will have to attack it with Radiation and Chemotherapy. Our ability to maintain and/or shrink the tumor will be our best chance to keep it from coming back as a very dangerous Grade III diagnosis, which is the worst thing that could happen in the coming years.

The next most important piece of information we still need to learn is that this tumor has the co-deletion of the 1p/19q chromosomal arms. We'll find that out later this week. As previously stated, this deletion increases sensitivity to the chemotherapy and improves the prognosis.  Looking forward to sharing the results with you!

So, now we need to talk about 3 things. I hope that's not too much.

1. It's Science.

Sitting at Mayo, we had to ask a few tough questions. This tumor will affect my life in some ways. But how much?

We just needed some basic answers about what to (and not to) expect in our future. The quick answer appears it's time I give up on my dream of becoming a UFC Champion. But beyond the important things like that, what about my life span? What about having kids someday? What about my career? What do I tell my friends and family about what is 'scientifically possible' of happening to me?

Thirty minutes later, after Dr. Awesome spliced together stories including parking garages, a single magical car with hundreds of accelerators and brake pedals, his daughter's grades, (assassination theory came back up again - I think that is his favorite), Olympic marathons and his wife's feelings regarding the final installation of the wood flooring in his new house... we got to some answers. (Don't get me wrong, the above metaphors all made complete sense - remember, he is Dr. Awesome).

From a scientific perspective, not including any information about me specifically, if a case similar to mine were to come across the desk of a random oncologist and placed into a pile of similar cases (large Grade II - Oligo-based tumors), the overall pile would average a lifespan of 10 years.  However, the individual diagnosis of each case (skewing from the low vs. high life span) cannot truly be determined until after round one of chemotherapy and radiation as well as 6-12 months of monitoring how the tumor reacts.

Dr. Awesome told me, scientifically-speaking, I may (or may not) have 10 years to live.

2. It's not 'entirely' Science.

He then informed me of some benefits he can see right away that aren't entirely scientific.  We caught this while I'm young, I'm motivated to beat this thing, I have hope for my future, I have a positive outlook on my current situation, and I'm surrounded by a great support system (that's you - WOOT!). Overall, there is evidence showing my case could do better than the average of 10 years.  By creating specific diets, exercising, taking care of myself, showering regularly, etc... I will have a relative amount of power to affect the rate at how this tumor will affect my life.

3. It's not Science at all.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because by reading this, you have expressed interest in following God's story that happens to include me. (And thinking about it like that, this story already includes you too - hope that's cool) But if I were to leave out specific parts of this story, you might miss an important plot point that God is sharing.  So by not telling you that I may (or may not) have 10 years to live, I would be holding back information that God thinks is important for this story. So, we move forward together with full disclosure. Cool?

It's somewhat difficult not to lie in bed after receiving news like this and begin to wonder where I may fall on the 'Oligo Bell Curve O' Survival'.  These verses have been such a comfort to me:

"My *tumor was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

Your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be."

    - Psalm 139:15-16

* ('Tumor' was definitely tossed in by me. I think it's a funny addition. Originally was 'frame')

How freaking beautiful is that writing, not to mention what it actually means!

I'm so glad that God knows me more than Dr. Awesome knows me. While I openly appreciate Dr. Awesome for his knowledge and passion to save lives, he simply didn't know about my tumor until he saw it on an MRI. God knew about this tumor from the beginning. While case studies anticipate life-spans, dietitians predict results and doctors offer scientific reasoning, I trust God knew exactly how many days I had on this earth before even one of them came to be. 

It is so comforting to know that God has (for some time now) been designing this new thing in my life. And He is currently orchestrating the climax of this story for His benefit, not mine. If I were to live my entire life with this type of understanding, with this clarity, what type of person would I be? How would I treat people differently? How much more often would I kiss my wife?

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." - Psalm 90:12

After our meeting to hear about this potential '10 year life-span', Amy looked at me and said, "Wow, it's almost like we need to realize that we should live each day as though it's our last". (Awkward pause... laughter) When did THIS become news? We just had to laugh at the ridiculous statement of our new outlook on life.

We should have been doing this years ago, not after learning about a brain tumor. I suppose I can consider myself lucky that when the days come (and they will) when I start to forget each day could be my last, I have an MRI that proves it. In fact, I should put the tumor photo on the fridge with our Paul Bunyan magnet.

And in the meantime, I am learning very quickly about what the important things in life are: Family flying in from across the world, friends waiting at airports, lasagnas delivered in the trunks of cars, beautiful flowers, envelopes filled with grocery money, hugs from the local store attendant down the street, friends standing up on your behalf and defending your decisions, partners picking up your workload, etc... and we've only been home about 18 hours.

These are the important things that cancer should never 'remind us to do'.  This is what it is all about.

So this is what I have to say to you.  Take it or leave it.

Dear You,

You may (or may not) have 10 years to live.  What are you going to do about it?

Dear Brain - Don't forget important meeting on Monday.

First off, thank you! I am humbled and amazed by the number of people who are reading and responded to this blog. From family, friends, schoolmates, co-workers, biz partners and photography friends via Amy's industry, I feel surrounded by people who believe in a God that not only loves us, but offers us His healing to those who ask for it.

(Side-note: I have also sent this message out to members of the Facebook Group: Pray for David Wenzel - Operation 55 Zebra, a group started by a good friend of mine. I will soon condense all my updates, but in the meantime I thought I should let you know this facebook group exists.)

Gonna try to keep this short.  On Monday morning (the 22nd) around 11:00 CST, I will be meeting with Dr. Uhm (A.K.A. Dr. Awesome) to receive the official pathology results of my brain biopsy.

We have faith, and are praying specifically, that I have a "Grade II - Oligodendroglioma". In addition, we have faith to hear later this week that this tumor has a 'co-deletion of chromosomal arms 1p/19q'.  While that may sound confusing, God totally speaks DNA and will hear your prayers loud and clear.  If you need help to remember, just pray that David 'minds his p's and q's'.

But this is what I actually wanted to tell you. I have a gut feeling you've got something going on in your life right now and you do not have complete faith that God can (or will) keep His promises to you. Maybe you doubt that God can take care of you when it comes to finding a new job, dealing with your current job, fixing your marriage, managing your kids, finishing school, paying bills, etc... I really don't know what that thing is, but I know that you know.

It will be very easy for you to remain safe and say "I trust that God is in complete control of this situation". To be honest, the majority of my life has been summarized by this statement.  And while I believe this is still a super-legit thing to say to God, I am challenging you to take this one step further. I challenge you to ask for faith that moves God, not only to 'be in control', but to act on your behalf.

Reminds me of a simple verse that we often like to pretend is difficult: "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11:1.

If you have trouble with it, just read it like you are 12 years old (child-like faith). If you don't get it, maybe pretend you're 8 and try again. And again.

I want you to be SURE of what you hope for. I want you to be CERTAIN of what you do not see. For once, I want you to JUMP and rely on God to move and come through on your behalf.

Lord knows I'm in mid-air right now. I'll let you know what Dr. Awesome says.

Kung-Fu saved my life.

Insurance - It's Elementary...

A recent insurance challenge presented itself a few days ago.  While it has already been resolved, I thought you might like a good Saturday morning story. It was rather difficult explaining to my insurance company, as well as Mayo clinic, why we never caught this tumor sooner. Strangely enough, in an effort to recover past medical documents to prove there were no 'previous symptoms' for insurance purposes... we were having trouble finding any!  I have been so healthy my entire life that the only serious documented 'medical problem' I've ever had has been an ear infection which required a quick visit to the ER.  I typically don't tell people this because so many people endure so much pain and suffering that I try to keep this information to myself. However, in lieu of recent events, I feel alright telling you this.

My father is actually a Physicians Assistant so he has managed any minor health issues over the years (which again we couldn't recall), but we also needed some outside evidence of good records. And if you know my father (he's also a retired Air Force Lt. Colonel) he refuses to give up easily. Release the hounds...

(Small side-note: We also tried to contact a local clinic that took a few chest x-rays of me circa 1996 when we thought I might have Bronchitis. Maybe they had some basic physical info from the exam just to prove we aren't entirely negligent when it comes to health care. In response, they managed to fax us one of their random European patient's leukemia results.  We were very confused and pretty sure they broke the law. But the leukemia results were negative, so yay!)

Now since then we've been able to find the records we needed, but up until that point, we were still in search mode. In a valiant effort, my father actually managed to find some past medical documents. He discovered 1.5 pages of hand-written notes passed along through my grade-school nurses detailing my "medical history" from 1987-1997. Seriously...

A few notable entries we discovered the other day included:

Oct 24,1988 - Scraped hand on playground.  Put water on it. Icepack. Sent back to class.

Sep 25,1990 - Sunburn on right shoulder.  Icepack. Sent back to class.

Sep 26, 1990 (Next day) - Complaint of another student slapping sunburn on right shoulder.  Icepack. Sent back to class.

3 things you should note:

1. Per my duty as a young male, I did what I could to get out of class and at any cost. Even if it meant playing up a sunburn... I regret nothing.

2. Our school nurse system was entirely pointless. This ridiculous history (despite it's amazing accuracy and record-keeping) caused me to remember that their 'ice-packs' were frozen dish-sponges in zip-loc baggies with a brown paper towel around them.  I can still smell the mold. 

3. Go get a physical. Yes, I know it costs money.  Do it. While I am sure you won't discover anything, at least you can say that you tried. Insurance = FTW.

Knock, Knock...

Apparently the first thing I reported to my anesthesiologists after waking up from surgery was a 'knock knock' joke that my niece had told me the day before:

David: Knock Knock,
Dr: Who's there?
David: Banana.
Dr: Banana Who?
David: Banana Chicken.

I asked them if they understood it.  They said no and I agreed.  Still trying to figure that one out.

Quickly after surgery I was in an ICU room overnight.  Despite my first experience with a catheter which I won't go into... my wife and family were able to join me and laugh about the crazy things that continue to happen.  For example, I was lying in the Pre-Operating Room and had someone walk up and say to me, "This might sound random, but were you just on Jasmine Star's blog?"  Yes, a photography fan / Med-Student who had been specifically assigned to my case, read my story 2 days before on the blog of a photographer friend of Amy and I's. And now here she was comforting me, making small talk over the photography world, something extremely unexpected and completely comforting. Small world?

I'm not going to lie.  It was scary.  I was wheeled into the Operation Room where quite a few people were all rushing around and making final preparations.  As the anesthesiologists were placing the mask over my mouth and asking me to take deep breaths, I can still remember what running through my head over and over until I passed out... "The Lord is my light and my salvation.  Who is there to fear?"  - Psalm 27:1

I woke up several hours later and was feeling pretty good despite a headache. Throughout the day, it was incredible to see the prayers that had been offered on my behalf.  As I've said before, I will never speak ill-will of Facebook again.  It has become a faithful tool sharing all of your thoughts and prayers with me.  For that, I cannot thank you enough.

Amy spent the night in the ICU with me which was needed because it was such a frustrating night.  Why?  We've recently learned that my resting heart beat is extremely low.  Meaning that when I go to sleep my heartbeat actually dips below about 40 beats a minute.  While in the ICU I'm hooked up to heart monitors that alert the nurses just in case my heart stops or slows down. While originally set at about 60 beats a minute, they have to turn down the alarm to 50, 45, then 40 beats a minute, but can't go any lower... 

What does this mean?  Every time I fall asleep... every time my head drifts off (like it used to do in 6th period Physics class) to that delicious land of sleep, 3 different alarms start blaring in my ear.  Despite my best attempts to bribe my nurse to turn the 'beats per minute' alert down, turn down the alert volume or turn a blind eye and unplug my machine, alas, he would not.  I understand. It's his job. So pretty much, after brain surgery I got about 1-2 hours of sporadic sleep. ICU has now been turned into a sleep-torture chamber for me. 

I'm praying for miraculous healing from God because if I ever have to spend the night in the ICU again, I'm not sure I'll keep my sanity.

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I want to publicly say thank you to Dr. Meyer and his surgical team. While my experience with surgeries is... limited, I couldn't have imagined it going any better.  Apparently, they were able to successfully obtain samples from the tumor 'hot-spot' which allows them to get the best possible idea for what the pathology of the actual tumor is. Using a 3-D map of my brain pieced together by the results of the functional MRI to avoid any 'sensitive regions', they drilled a small pencil-size hole in my head and placed a needed through the 7 cm tumor to find this hot spot and draw out 4 different samples.  Science is so freakin' cool.  Operation 55 Zebra = Biopsy Success.

While Dr. Meyer is like a hard-core fighter pilot or an astronaut exploring the outer-reaches of what is capable through brain surgery, he is very careful about what he says about hope.  Over and over again, he has made it very clear that from a surgical standpoint, I have an inoperable brain tumor.  But he has been the only person we've been able to speak with up until this point.  After a successful biopsy, he was able to pass me onto an oncologist who could shed some light on the post-biopsy situation.

Dr. Uhm was brilliant in an entirely different way.  He explained to me all of the potential outcomes of the biopsy and detailed what the best / worst scenarios were.  I knew I really liked him when he started explaining the situation like this...

"There are 3 of you sitting in this room with me.  Let's pretend there is an assassin attempting to kill one of you.  What is the best way he could possibly do it?  Well, theoretically, he could..." 

I was sold. I didn't even care what else he had to say. This was awesome. And eventually he somehow turned this assassination story into a medical decision tree explaining all of the possible outcomes.  About an hour later he told me what he 'thinks' I have based on the current evidence.  We will however not know this until Monday when final results are in. This meeting was rare.  Why? I met with a super-genius whose time is worth more than I could ever imagine who was 'speculating' about my diagnosis with no test results. What?! Anyway, I am so thankful he even TOOK this meeting without the results being back in!  So now we can pray for exactly for what we want the test results to be.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Phil. 4:6-7

So, here it is!  I ask that you would pray repeatedly and with thanksgiving for the following results! Based on the samples pulled from my noggin, the best possible outcome for my tumor results would be:

"Grade II - Oligodendroglioma with a co-deletion of chromosomes 1p/19q"

You can read about the science here.  The interesting chromosomal deletion mentioned in the above results is a heightened sensitivity to chemotherapy and improved diagnosis.  While we won't know about the co-deletion for another week, the actual treatment program will be exactly the same.  The chromosomal deletion would be just an extra bit of good-news!

Dr. Awesome then suggested I talk with Dr. Paul Brown, a Radiation Specialist who could explain a few more things to me on the side of treatment.  I kid you not... 5 minutes later I was sitting in a room with Dr. Brown who answered every single question we could throw at him.  He explained to me the medical advancements in Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments which was very surprising to hear!  We have another meeting with him on Monday which will take into account the final pathology results delivered by Dr. Uhm.  Again, so impressed with these doctors and their abilities.

After Monday, we will be returning home to Grand Rapids and putting together a treatment plan for the near future.  We have received so much hope from these 2 new doctors that the size of the tumor can be either maintained, meaning the situation will not get worse and I'll stay relatively the same as I am now OR the tumor could actually shrink relieving some of the stress currently being put on my brain.  Obviously there are many more details, but this post is already long enough.

I will keep you all updated over the weekend, as well as share some of the other stories / blessings that have come from all of this.  I love you all very much.  Thank you for your continued prayers that this story will glorify God.  As I said before and will say again many times, This is His story and I'm honored to participate in it.

Also Known As...

Designer Cancer

It's far too late for me to be up writing.  I will be up in 2 hours to go in for my biopsy tomorrow.  I've just got to get these thoughts out before the surgery. Despite the circus of 3 rounds of functional MRIs today, I was able to finish the day talking with Dr. Meyer regarding his current understanding of my case.

As the chair of Mayo Clinic, ranked as the #1 Neuro Science Department in the country, this is Dr. Meyer's scientific opinion (in my very loose words):

My tumor has been there a while.  There seems to be a malignancy or 'hot-spot' that is growing but it is buried beneath years of calcified (read: bone-hard) tissue.  In order to get to this area and remove it, we would need to remove this calcification.  The difficult part is that this mass is fused with and surrounds the 2 verbal areas of my brain and the delicate wires that connect them.  These areas control the majority of comprehension and speech production.  If Dr. Meyer felt that he were able to remove 70-80% of this tumor, it would be worth the risk. However, he feels he can only remove about 40% of it.  An attempt to remove any more could lead to permanent comprehension and speech production detriment.  He sees this as a final straw option.

After discovering the results of Wednesday's biopsy, we will learn the genetic make-up of this tumor. We will hopefully be able to use a combination of chemo and radiation to attempt to shrink down and slow the tumor while monitoring it.  Depending on how it reacts to the treatments, an extraction in the future might even be possible.

That is the Doctor update, but these are my thoughts.

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This tumor was specifically designed for me by God.

The other day my sister sent me an article written by John Piper called 'Don't Waste your Cancer'.  Written on the eve of John's prostate surgery, his first point is:

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.

"It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a 'design'. If you don’t believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it."

God didn't give me a bum leg or a sore back. He has designed a tumor to grow in my brain in the specific place - the exact location - where I would never ever want it to be.  He has intricately fused a massive lesion into the middle of my comprehension and language centers.  He has calcified cancerous tissues around the speech production areas of my brain; the essence of my personality, my career and my future.

If God were about to tell a compelling story with my life that ended in His glorification, this is a pretty incredible way to start it.  After all, would we still talk about Goliath if he wasn't a giant?

This is the beginning of a new story, but I want to make a clarification.  This new story is about God, not me. So I confidently declare Psalm 20:6-9.

 6 Now I know that the LORD saves His anointed;
         He will answer him from His holy heaven
         With the saving strength of His right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;
         But we will remember the name of the LORD our God.

8 They have bowed down and fallen;
         But we have risen and stand upright.
         
 9 Save, LORD!
         May the King answer us when we call.

I want to ask you to stick around and watch the results.  I believe that what God originates, He orchestrates.

Please support me through prayer via this Facebook group set up by a friend of mine and/or tag any supportive tweets for @davidvwenzel with #55Zebra. 

Sofitel Guest Satisfaction Survey Reminder

(Recently sent by the hotel I was staying in when I abruptly 'checked out' via grand-mal seizure)

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Dear David,

Recently, we sent you an invitation to complete a Guest Satisfaction Survey concerning your stay with us at Sofitel San Francisco Bay, where you checked out on June 07, 2009.

We noticed that you did not have time to complete the survey. We are concerned that you may not have responded because we have somehow failed to live up to your expectations.

At Sofitel, we are committed to providing a superior guest experience to each and every one of our customers. Please take a few minutes to tell us how well we met your expectations.

Thank you again for choosing Sofitel, and I look forward to hearing about your stay with us.

Sincerely,

Christophe Julliard
Vice President Quality and Planning
Accor Business and Leisure Hotels North America

---

Dear Christophe,

I apologize for not completing my Guest Satisfaction Survey upon my check-out on June 7, 2009.  However, you are indeed correct that I did not respond as I lacked ample time to complete the survey. Around checkout time on the 7th, I hurriedly exited the hotel in an ambulance.

Please do not be concerned that you have somehow failed to live up to my expectations.  In fact the opposite is true!  You have exceeded them! While I was staying at your hotel, your Cancer Detection System worked like a charm.  After years of being completely unaware, your hotel helped me discover a pesky tumor that had been growing in my brain for years.  Had I not stayed at your hotel, it is completely possible that I never would have made use of this detection tool!  (To clarify, by tool I mean the concrete slab in your hotel bar that I smacked me head on).  Expectations = Exceeded! In addition, I truly enjoyed your in-house olive bread and pesto sauce.  And that means quite a bit because I typically am not a fan of pesto.

However, I do feel obligated to tell you that in the moments after my grand-mal seizure while being wheeled through your lobby on a stretcher (once again the hurry I mentioned), I did notice that there were some leaves that had blown into the pool.  As a VP of Quality and Planning, I imagine this would fall below your standards. I assume when I return to your hotel next time, this matter will be taken care of.

Regards,

David Wenzel

Hotel Guest - Room 607; June 1-7, 2009

Operation Fifty-Five Zebra

Good Morning Everyone,

I suppose it could be sappy to say that each day is a reminder of what a blessing life really is, but I guess I feel that way these days so deal with it.

On that note, meet my tumor...

Let's just be blunt and say this isn't going to be a cake-walk.  I have a large calcified tumor in the left temporal lobe of my brain.  The calcification (white area on the right side, but it's actually on the left) means that it has actually been there a very long time, possibly even since childhood.  Upon my MRI at Stanford, they injected contrast into my brain to distinguish malignancy.  You may be able to see that I have a small 1-2 cm malignant 'hot spot' that could technically be bleeding from my 'Kung-Fu' fighting, but could also be a small aggressive malignant area.  We won't know until we do a biopsy.

So there are two things we'll do before surgery:

1. The first is a "Functional MRI".  You're probably familiar with this if you ever watch "HOUSE".  Essentially, while I am in the MRI tube, they will map out my communicating neuro-fibers by watching to see what lights up on the MRI while they give me specific instructions of what to say, do math, etc...  The hope is that all these communicating neuro-fibers controlling hearing, speech, and movements in the right side, will be OUTSIDE the mass... or at least the majority of them are outside the mass, allowing Dr. Meyer to extract more of the tumor than if the fibers are running through the mass. 

This MRI happens at 6:15 am on Tuesday.  Hopefully this goes well and we learn that I process speech information completely different from every human in history.  If you ask my friends and family, this isn't entirely impossible.  After this, I have a meeting with an anesthesiologist to determine if I'm healthy enough for a biopsy and surgery.

2. After the MRI, we'll do a stereo tactic, stealth-guided biopsy on Wednesday.  That's a super-cool way of saying they are going to drill into my brain and pull a piece of this thing out.  Then they'll discover it's pathology to see if it will respond well to chemo and test for it's genetic make-up.

Depending on the results of this biopsy, we will determine whether to utilize Chemotherapy or to attempt to extract the tumor surgically.  Dr. Meyer explained that my mass sits very near the neuro-motor control for the right side of the body...  but not so close that he could not remove a good deal of the tumor with little or no damage to that area.

However, Dr.  Meyer's greatest concern seems to be the mass sitting between the two areas in the left temporal lobe associated with verbal speech and the processing of language.  Communicating neuro-fibers (telegraph wires) serve to connect these two areas allowing them to work together so I can process or convert thoughts and ideas into an organized sentence that makes sense when spoken (i.e. the right words in the right order, related to the subject I'm talking about). 

The tumor may be surrounding these invisible neuro-fibers communicating between these two areas, and in the process of removing small bites of tumor they could be removing the communicating fibers... not good.  The same is true for the motor control functions meaning that we will remove tumor until I start to show detriment. 

This is what they call an awake surgery.  I'll interact with the surgeons and become their guide as to how much tumor to take out.  But once that bite of tissue is removed (with or without communicating neuro-fibers), it's gone.  My responses to these questions tell them how far they can go in that tiny-area, before moving onto the next tiny-area... progressing bit-by-bit while also unfortunately removing a layer of healthy tissue in the process. 

The accumulative affect of removing tissue until they go too far takes a toll.   Dr. Meyer estimates there could be an 18-20% risk of permanent deficits in my speech.  Therapy with stroke victims has hopeful evidence that much of this might be trained out and eventually recovered.  But there is no certainty of this and it might NOT be recovered.

It's science... yadda, yadda.

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So what does all this mean?  Here's the real low-down...

My life has essentially been about communicating.  Since I was little, my greatest passions in life have been communicating, brainstorming creative ideas and writing.  As far as I can tell, it appears that this tumor is attempting to take my two passions from me:  Speaking and Writing.

In correlation to my personal passions, my career as a partner for Dot&Cross has been to develop ideas with our clients/partners to tell story experiences that deeply impact culture.  For the past 4 years we have been working day-in and day-out  to develop and produce integrated media projects that impact culture by crafting meaningful messages and giving them to a world desperately in need of truth and beauty.

If I, personally, were ever to be stopped in this endeavor, the only way I could imagine it happening would be to stop me from either speaking or writing.  So, in a strange way I'm not surprised that this is how I am being attacked.

Strangely enough, Psalm 20 has been in my head for several weeks before any of this happened. How appropriate:

"May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble; may the name of the God of Jacob defend you;
May He send you help from the sanctuary, and strengthen you out of Zion;
May He remember all your offerings and accept your burnt sacrifice.

May He grant you according to your heart's desire, and fulfill all your purpose.
We will rejoice in your salvation and in the name of our God we will set up our banners!  May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.

Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He will answer him from his holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand.  Some trust in chariots and some in horses; but we will remember the name of the Lord our God. 

They have bowed down and fallen, but we have risen and stand upright.  Save, Lord! May the King answer us when we call."

When I cut off my Stanford Hospital tags, I saw that my case was also known as, "Fifty-Five Zebra".  And as far as I can tell, I am at war with this tumor.  Since that is about the coolest call-sign ever...  I shall refer to this jump in my life as 'Operation 55-Zebra'.