Jump David Jump

David = Jump

Like any good life-changing blog, let's start with some disclaimers:

Disclaimer #1: Before going any further, if you didn't read my previous post, "The Eyes Never Lie" you should or none of this will make any sense.  Click here to read that post. Or if its your first time to this blog, you may be very confused so start HERE and catch your way up to where we are at now, because this story keeps getting crazier and I want you to discover how it all started.

Disclaimer #2: Alternative Treatments & Iridology - Thank you to those who are open enough to understand that God can speak directly to us through a variety of mediums including pastors, friends, dreams and even 'pseudo-science' experiences. Micah the nutritionist, a fellow follower of Christ, feels he has been called by God to heal people through, not 'new age medicine' as many people call it, but very 'old medicine'. He does so by calling upon crazy types of magical wizardry such as fruits, vegetables and self-discipline. Crazy I know! And I'm pissed about it because he didn't even try to sell me any crystal medallions to wear! So to you doubters, I know this may ruin your whole snake-oil argument. But if you'd like to talk more about snake-oil, I'd love to review my hospital bills with you. Amazing what we'll pay for because a doctor said so...

For those of you who have completely written me off because I mentioned a 'pseudo-science', I'm sorry to see you go. Please understand I am not telling everyone to hurry to their local iridologist to obtain their own personal life change. All I can say is that in my life, right now, with these circumstances, God used a fellow believer and this random experience to speak truth to me, which is influential in why I'm writing this post. I hope you are open-minded enough to understand this. Plus, if you think iridology is crazy, you should stick around to see what I'm going to do next!

Disclaimer #3: With all of the support, scriptures and love you've given me, writing this post is still hard! It's so hard to bare your soul to the world and honestly say, 'This is me. This is what I hold deep down inside as the hope for my future. And if this goes bad, if my hopes are offered to the world and I fail miserably, I've got nothing left. What I thought was at the core of my true being turned out to be a failure. And now, because I opened my big mouth, everybody knows what a loser I am...'

This feeling I'm experiencing is called resistance. We all typically feel it when we stand up to face that 'one thing' we know we need to do more than anything else. And it's so easy to cower in the face of resistance. Like I've been known to do in the past, you might also be pretty good at justifying why you can't afford to face your resistance. It may even include excuses about a lack of time, money, energy, knowledge, risk or a fear of losing our social status. Sound familiar?

While my words might not seem like a big deal to you, the resistance keeping me from actually posting this is overwhelming. Why? Fear. I am afraid because I don't know what will happen next.

So I must Jump.

The Eyes Never Lie...

"David, your body has just hit the pause button on your life. You can keep doing the things you've been doing or you can make a change and as strange as it may sound, potentially cure yourself."

I definitely didn't think I was going to hear a statement like this at the climax of our conversation... so we should start from the beginning. It will help you understand how some random dude will play a huge part in the redirection of my life.

I went to a friend-of-a-friend who practices Iridology and wanted to see me after learning of my cancer. Iridology is an alternative field of medicine where they take extremely close-up pictures of your eyes which apparently catalog the physical and emotional history of your life. Seriously, who knew!? Then, based on this information, they recommend a diet based on what they find. To be honest, I didn't expect much and thought the eye pictures would be fun to check out. What I was really interested in was getting a good diet recommendation that I would compile together with my many other diet recommendations to discover what is best for me and my type of cancer.

(Side-Note: Many of you may be raising an eyebrow as I say 'Alternative Treatments'. I had zero preconceived notions going into this meeting with a gentleman who knew nothing about me. In fact, I was probably a little skeptical. However, I cannot deny the fact that in about 2 hours he pinpointed more details about me, my past, my current lifestyle and potential causes/cures for this tumor, none of which were offered to me at Standford, Mayo Clinic or the University of Michigan. Oh, and he did all this with a few pictures of my eyes. Just sayin...)

Is Suffering Optional?

Why are you here? My guess is that there are probably 3 reasons. (actually 4 reasons)

#1 - My cancer and the crazy story of how it all came about has drawn your attention. You follow along because you hope you never have to go through something like this. You find yourself strangely drawn to this scenario as though you were craning your neck to see a car accident on the side of the road or pause at a boy-band music video while flipping channels. You're curious to see what happens next. Either way, I'm so glad you're here. Thanks.

#2 - Perhaps my condition is similar to a loved one of yours such as a mother with cancer or your child who has a life-threatening illness. Maybe you are looking to obtain (or pass along to me) hope and/or wisdom regarding how others face these situations. (While I am merely beginning this journey, I probably have more to learn from them) Thanks for reading and please continue to pass along your stories of hope and encouragement to me, as I promise to pass along whatever I learn to you. We can go through these things together.

#3 - Maybe you are excited (or shocked) to read the words I speak of my faith in Jesus during this crazy time. Maybe you are curious what it looks like for someone to 'jump' and speak what they honestly believe as they begin a journey down a difficult road. Sometimes I think I'm crazy for saying the things I do. Many of you seem to like what I say and some of you don't.  Stay tuned, that's where this blog is headed...

(Potential Reason #4 of why you read my blog - You are my wife, related to me by blood, related to me through marriage, you cut my hair or we work together.  This means you have to keep updated, lest I call you out on not reading my blog.  You know who you are...)

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Nevertheless, here we all are. Now what?

Dear Pegasus,

First off, I'm very sorry for not being a better Cat-Dad and letting you slip off our 2nd floor balcony. I understand you were playing with 'Other Kitty' who was on the other side of the window-sill. I do have some slight concerns she pushed you off the ledge because yes, she is completely crazy.

Also, I agree with you that she is using her street-smarts to take over #1 pet status. But to be honest, it doesn't hurt that she does not wake us up 20 times each night like you do.  Just saying - you could learn a thing or two from her...

However, as Amy and I rushed you to the Pet Emergency Room, we felt very sorry for you.  You had some bleeding coming out your nose which concerned us that you had internal bleeding in your head. The nice doctor informed you that you may need to undergo some treatments for internal bleeding in your head. This is not good.

I feel I can speak as an authority on this given my personal recent events.  Essentially, if bleeding allows your brain to swell, you could potentially have a seizure. And if they start poking around your brain they could find something unfortunate, like a tumor. Sounds far-fetched I know, but it could happen...

Now, I know how much you love squirrels so I want to make this as easy as possible for you to understand. If they were to find a tumor, you will have to have a pet-scan (no, that's a real thing... not a joke) and then receive radiation.  As you can see below, they will make a mask shaped to your kitty-head to keep it in the same place during radiation. I know it feels weird, but I've been there.

As you can see below this squirrel enjoys (maybe even loves) receiving radiation.  It appears someone has traced his smile with a sharpie.

Let this be a lesson to you. Don't play on 2nd story window sills with 'Other Kitty' because she's crazy and will probably try and push you again, which means you may have to undergo radiation treatment just like the happy squirrel.

We love you and hope you are feeling better soon.  It seems that everything is going to be OK as you are already acting normal again by waking us up every hour on the hour.

With Love,

David and Amy

My Future as a Right-Handed Gentleman

When we left Mayo Clinic, Dr. Awesome referred me to a Radiation Oncology Doctor at University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. He thought that if we decide to get treatment closer to home, she would be a great Doctor to work with. And yes, while Ann Arbor is closer to home than Rochester, it's still about 2 hours from Grand Rapids which doesn't sound very appealing. However we thought we should at least meet with the doctor to determine if it's possible to receive treatment in Michigan as opposed to moving to Rochester, MN for 6 weeks. As much as I love my new friends in MN, it would still be tough for Amy and I.

So, part of the referral was a letter from Dr. Awesome giving the details of my case.  Most of it was medical jargon, but my favorite part was when he initially introduced me to the new doctor.  He said:

"I would like to refer David Wenzel, a very pleasant 27 year old right-handed gentleman."

Silly and Short-sighted Suffering?

We've received some great news, haven't we?! A Grade II Oligo-based tumor with a co-deletion of the correct DNA chromosomal arms. I have no doubt that your prayers were influential in these test results.  As we know, God responds to prayers of faith and acts on our behalf even when it goes against the physical parameters we typically assign to our situations. I simply love the idea (despite the difficulty) of praying and acting with such faith that God must move on our behalf.

First off, I have received some amazing blog comments from people all over who have been following this story over the past few weeks.  As I've previously stated, I feel as though I can't quite explain what has been going through my head and heart, but God has shown Himself more than capable to get the message across.  For that, I'm thankful, I'm honored and to be quite honest, scared to write again!

However, a comment recently came through that really peaked my interest. It's from a person who was a little confused about my approach to this whole tumor thing and I imagine he/she is not the only person thinking these thoughts. I didn't want to respond flippantly so I thought about it for a few days before addressing it.

To the person who left this comment - thanks for being honest with your feelings.  And also, thank you for your kind words about me overcoming this tumor. I sincerely appreciate it and my friends and I will continue to pray for God to heal this tumor. Moving on, the comment was...

"Ok, first, i'm sorry you have cancer and i'm happy at least it's not quite as bad as it could be.

but this whole "praise god because its the right kind of cancer!" is still just goofy.  man, the guy put this tumor into my head that is horrible and most likely fatal.  so "thank god he made it the right kind of brain tumor!" is silly and just a little short-sighted. 

brain tumors happen, they suck, i'm glad you have a positive attitude and i hope you can hang in there.  bad stuff happens.  lots of muslims/atheists/buddhists get brain tumors too.  some live and some die."

Ha! I agree it's a little goofy to praise God for a 'right' vs. 'wrong' kind of cancer. They are still both cancer I suppose. But, all things being equal, if given an opportunity to choose the 'right' type of cancer and elongate my own life-span, I would want to live a full life with my lovely wife filled with laughter, children, travel, Thai food buffets, a Cubs World Series Championship, perfect October days, etc... And medically speaking, a diagnosis of the 'wrong' type of cancer would shorten my life-span and keep me from enjoying this beautiful opportunity we call 'life'. So, it's not too crazy to say that praying for the 'right' type of cancer sounds reasonable. Or at least if God grants us an opportunity to enjoy one more plate of Pad Thai or another season of Cubs disappointments, we can at least show some gratitude, right?

But unfortunately, many people suffer from the 'wrong' type of cancer. Everyday I hear story after story of people who are dealing with and dying from what some would consider the cursed 'wrong' type of cancer. Like never before my heart goes out to these people and I pray for them to receive grace that is more than sufficient for their suffering and peace that surpasses all understanding. But here is the 'silly' thing... I still hear these people praising God for their cancer and the impact it has made in their life. Even in their suffering, they still know God is in control. Blows. My. Mind.

Oddly enough, some of the most comforting words I have received since my diagnosis have been from my new friends with the 'wrong' type of cancer. It reminds me of this beautiful passage in Streams In The Desert (entry for July 19th):

"We cannot do good to others save at a cost to ourselves, and our afflictions are the price we pay for our ability to sympathize. He who would be a helper, must first be a sufferer.  He who would be a savior must somewhere and somehow have been upon a cross; and we cannot have the highest happiness of life in comforting others without tasting the cup which Jesus drank.

The most comforting of David's psalms were pressed out by suffering and if Paul had not had the thorn in his flesh, we would have missed much of the tenderness which quivers in so many of his letters. 

The present circumstance which presses so hard against you is the best-shaped tool in the father's hand to chisel you for eternity. Trust Him, then. Do not push away the instrument lest you lose its work.

The school of suffering graduates rare scholars."

When I read this above passage I know my suffering (as well as yours) is neither 'silly' nor 'short-sided', but in fact the opposite. Every moment of suffering is an opportunity, if allowed, for us to be chiseled for eternity and to grow in empathy for the sufferings of others. I pray above all else that my cancer (whether right, wrong, good, bad, silly, goofy, etc...) shows the world that Christ suffered for us, not so that his followers could be rich, healthy, well-networked, smart and good-looking, but so that the world would know His followers by their ongoing sacrificial actions of compassion and love for those who are the lowest of the low.

And Dear Commenter, you are right; Muslims, Atheists & Buddhists get brain tumors as well. Some of them live and some of them die. I suppose it's safe to say cancer is open to take the lives of all types of people.  It's an equal-opportunity killer showing no preference for religious beliefs. If we were to accept this basic fact that cancer is open to all types of people, I guess the real question would be, what types of people are open to cancer?

I want to be open to cancer and the new things it will bring into my life.

This is all new to me, but as I begin to learn of the emotional suffering cancer causes and not yet begun to undergo the physical changes that lie in my future, I can say I feel I am being prepared for what is to come. I know that what lies ahead of me is out of my control. I know that I am a part of something bigger than myself. I want to be the type of person who is open and ready for cancer and the physical suffering that could potentially lie ahead.

But here is my biggest fear.

I'm afraid that if I could go back and be given a choice to choose 'right', 'wrong' or even 'no cancer', I would have chosen the easiest route, to pass on this cup handed to me. If given the choice I would have gladly passed on this diagnosis, yet unfortunately also passed on the amazing changes coming from God who I still believe designed this cancer for me; changes in my relationship with God, my marriage, my family, my friends, my career, etc...

It's easy for us to pray for safety, comfort, health and wealth. But are we willing to pray for anything that will bring us closer to Christ? Even if it includes suffering? I hope that we would never miss out on an opportunity to understand the sufferings of Christ so we can be chiseled for eternity, to grow in maturity and perseverance and to sympathize with those around us who are also suffering. And despite the fear and pain that may come, I hope we can all repeat the words of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane as He was being led to his death:

"Shall I not drink the cup my father has given me?" -John 18:11

I'm sorry for dishing out my 'armchair theology', and I know that many of you are probably sick of hearing it. (That's the great thing about blogs, you can stop reading whenever you like!) If you can take anything from this post, please pray that you can take joy in your sufferings and not avoid them by running from them at all costs. In the past month I can say I've learned more about who God is, who I am and how my priorities need to be rearranged. And if it takes suffering to help me learn these lessons, I wil gladly accept it. And I praise God that the lessons I learn from this will be neither silly nor short-sided.

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."

- 1 Peter 4:12-13

Much Love.