One August Day filled with Faith and Doubt

This is a long post, I know. In fact, let's not even call it a post. This is a short essay.

I suppose I've been negligent in my updates regarding my health for several different reasons. On one hand, I had to learn to protect my time and not become overwhelmed with blog posts as I had been for awhile. Life goes on, bills need to be paid, need to see my 'real-life' friends, and not spend all of my time pulling a Doogie Howser by sharing my feeling online at the end of each and every day. But nevertheless, I want to keep you updated as to what has been going on because so many of you have been, and continue to be, so faithful to pray to our Lord on my behalf. For that, I can't thank you enough. In the meantime, I want you to know that His grace has indeed been more than sufficient for me.

In August of 2010, Amy and I went back to University of Michigan to get another MRI. So much had been happening before and during that time of year. Amy and I (as well as friends, family and most likely strangers) had been so focused on praying for physical healing before this check-up. We knew that God was in the middle of doing something big. Strange events had been happening that I won't go into detail on right now. But we could feel God was by our side, going through this event with us, preparing us for the next MRI. We had been praying intensely with such childlike faith that we simply expected the doctor would come back and tell us that... 'I have no idea what happened, but the tumor is gone!". And we wouldn't even be surprised. We would say... "Well, of course it's gone, our God is a healing God, duh?"

The Dr. came back with the MRI results and told us that everything was looking just about the same. Hmm. While some minor shifting had occurred, it didn't appear to be growing or shrinking or doing anything for that matter. Just hanging out in my head. Amy and I were obviously pleased because things had not worsened, but there was definitely a feeling of (and I feel strange saying it) but... disappointment.

Was I disappointed in God?