Jump David Jump

Dallas, Texas

Matthew Sleeth, a friend, ER doc, and environmentalist with an amazingly bizarre background story, recently pointed out to me that on typical stress level tests, I'm in the 'red zone'. Now, I know that's good if you're a football team, but as a human being, this means the level of stress I'm under is, well, remarkable. I don't know what the actual order of stressing events is, but divorce, life-threatening disease, daily seizures, financial struggles, new business, loss of my 'home' environment, and, oh, toss in the fact my cat fell over dead for absolutely no reason, has provided for an eventful 2012. (Semi-hoping the Mayans were right.)

It's easy to pretend life isn't really like that, to sweep it all under the rug and come up with a nice response for the all-to-common 'How's it goin'?' inquiry. Matthew reminded me it's okay to ask for help. I agreed and told him I've been seeing a counselor, but he suggested that, in certain times, it's ok to admit you are in need of 'remarkable' levels of help.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Dallas for a week. Now, as a three on the Enneagram (long story), a personality test that has been so helpful, I've aware my greatest fear is to be 'found out', to be see as worthless when people realize I'm not authentic. So it's a constant battle I face not to 'ever-so-slightly' bend the truth to make myself look a little more put together, which makes my response to this question rather delicate.

"So, what takes you to Dallas?"

"Business."

It's my typical response because it's nearly always the case, but not this time. But when I'm asked, I can't avoid that moment of panic with the barrage of internal questions like, "Don't tell them! They'll know you're broken! Don't let them see you in pain! Don't let them know you don't have all of the right answers!"

I'm not going to Dallas for business. I'm going for, essentially, a week of intense emotional and spiritual rehab. This may or may not seem like a big deal to you, but I'm choosing to tell you this because I recognized my inner desire NOT to tell you.

All Types of Friction

My, oh my.

Where to begin. The struggle I face as I sit down to write, is that so much has happened. Everything has changed. Where I was over a year ago is so different from where I sit today. To catch you up seems nearly pointless. And to a degree, I feel no need to share any of my experience with you, other than the fact that I simply want to. Maybe I need to. If you are reading this, then you’ve been a part of this 3+ year journey and to hide my current scenario from you would essentially be me glossing over the largest tragedy of my life.

No Easy Way to Say...

(Copied from Facebook Posting)

Yesterday I learned Amy publicly shared we've been separated over the past year. 

This separation has made it a very difficult year for both of us. It was my prayer, along with family and friends, that our marriage would be reconciled, but it was not, as the divorce was recently finalized.

I decided to let Amy make the announcement first, since it was her decision to end the marriage. But Amy and I both agree that God can, and will, create good from this broken relationship.

To those who have been following Amy's Photography and/or our ongoing battle with cancer, I cannot thank you enough for your continued support and prayers.