The Failure:Lab event held on Friday night was incredible! I wanted to share the youtube video of my talk that was posted yesterday. It's been confirmed we raised over $8,000! Thank you to any of you who made it to the event and, for the rest of you, I'm pleased to offer you this video. But before you watch my Failure:Lab video, check out my Kickstarter page that inspired this entire event.
Now! Onto my failure!
Brian Kelly, a fantastic local photographer, took these images just as I walked off stage. The only word I can think of when I look at these is RELIEF. He didn't direct me or tell me to pose, it was just the first thing I did when I was off the stage. This image shows my feeling of relief so well...
And how about this?! I don't know if I've ever seen a photo of the back of my head and was shocked to see that my hair is starting to grow back! From this angle it looks nearly even. I still have the front left section which is slowly growing in, but from the back it looks great!
So my dear blog readers, I am approaching the end of my campaign. Only four days left with a lot of dollars to raise. I truly hope I haven't bothered you with my incessant ramblings about all of this. But I actually sent a similar message to my backers last night and I've been at complete peace ever since, so I wanted to share it with you. I think I've come to grips with what this campaign means for my life.
If this KickStarter Campaign is a failure, I think it's time I leave this story in my past.
I've felt for so long this story "exists" for a specific reason, but if it can't come about through this Kickstarter channel, I don't know when or where I'll have the time and energy to bring it about through any other. I know far too well this life is fleeting and I want to spend it with my wife and girls. And I am aware a future filled with laying in bed dreaming about what this book could have been after this Kickstarter failure will only bring me more pain.
It just felt like this was the right time, the right moment, to bring all of the colors, medical tests, countries, tastes, doctor visits, music, love, loss, joy, whiskey, peace, and frustration to light. And if it's not the right time, I don't know if another moment will come about. So I must bury them instead, a funeral for these emotions and these stories, so I can continue to live. And honestly, that's okay with me.
If I can't create with these feelings, these stories, I must leave them in the past so I can whole-heartedly pursue new creations in the future. I just know there isn't enough room for my past and my future to co-exist. I've been creatively and attentively held back by the concept of this book for the past 6 years, and if this campaign doesn't work, I feel I can no longer hold onto the idea of it. I have to let go of this burden I've been carrying next to me, solely for the sake of sharing it with you one day. No more blogs about divorce or previous mistakes or feelings from the past. Just the present. I imagine the blog will suck quite a bit more if it's not about my failures, but that's fine by me.
This campaign represents a door, an inciting incident, in my life. If my Kickstarter is funded the door will stay open, giving me proper time to tell my story and share it with you. If my Kickstarter is not funded the door will be entirely shut, burying my past and letting me move forward with a clear and weightless heart. I can barely believe I'm typing this, but I feel more and more confident this decision needs to happen next.
To each of you reading this, it's been an amazing journey and I still hold out hope we can find a way to sneak this campaign past this closing door. I don't know what to ask for anymore. I'm all out of tricks. All I am is a man asking you to please keep this door open just a little bit longer so I don't have to bury this book forever.