Unfortunately, I really don’t have that much to say today. In fact, this day has snuck up on me. I’m sure the majority of you have heard all of my stories a thousand times, but I think it's time for me to start living out a story that has been actively brewing in my mind for a few years now. And there is no easy way to get this off my chest, so I'll just say it out loud:
I love my cancer. I am at peace with my cancer.
I assume those words mean something similar to an athlete who says he “loves” the sweat pouring from his body during his muscle-destroying training. Or a solo cellist who “loves” his rigorous practice schedule. Or a mother who “loves” watching her disabled child develop, despite the overwhelming struggles it brings every day. It's a strange kinda love. A love you never really considered, but a love that snuck up on you, that has attached itself to you, that won’t let you go.
I feel strange saying it, but in my life, it’s true: I love my cancer. I am at peace with my cancer. I'm tired of trying to "battle it," to "outthink it," to "destroy it." I'm fine to walk with it for a bit longer and if it chooses to stay or to leave, I'll accept that. As the scripture tells us: "Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Pretty sure the rhetorical answer to that question is 'no.'
I feel as though I'm being called, more and more strongly each day, to do something unique. It's a similar feeling as to when I had to write my own book, Thank You Kung Fu, or start up my nonprofit, Bent Not Broken. But in order to reach that next step, I have to have the right heart. And as days go by, I realize the only thing I can do that truly means anything is to embrace love and peace.
So as I move forward, today, tomorrow, maybe even another day if the Lord sees fit, all I ask for are more moments to show and receive true love and true peace. I'm sorry, I'm wearing these words thin on reporting about a half-witted thought. So I'll just end with this:
Thank you for the love and peace you've offered me over the last ten years. You have no idea how much you have changed me. I hope I get to see you again soon. I’ve got a giant bear hug I've been planning to give to you.
Love and Peace, my friends.