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I love my cancer

Unfortunately, I really don’t have that much to say today. In fact, this day has snuck up on me. I’m sure the majority of you have heard all of my stories a thousand times, but I think it's time for me to start living out a story that has been actively brewing in my mind for a few years now. And there is no easy way to get this off my chest, so I'll just say it out loud:

I love my cancer. I am at peace with my cancer. 

I assume those words mean something similar to an athlete who says he “loves” the sweat pouring from his body during his muscle-destroying training. Or a solo cellist who “loves” his rigorous practice schedule. Or a mother who “loves” watching her disabled child develop, despite the overwhelming struggles it brings every day. It's a strange kinda love. A love you never really considered, but a love that snuck up on you, that has attached itself to you, that won’t let you go.

I feel strange saying it, but in my life, it’s true: I love my cancer. I am at peace with my cancer. I'm tired of trying to "battle it," to "outthink it," to "destroy it." I'm fine to walk with it for a bit longer and if it chooses to stay or to leave, I'll accept that. As the scripture tells us: "Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Pretty sure the rhetorical answer to that question is 'no.' 

I feel as though I'm being called, more and more strongly each day, to do something unique. It's a similar feeling as to when I had to write my own book, Thank You Kung Fu, or start up my nonprofit, Bent Not Broken. But in order to reach that next step, I have to have the right heart. And as days go by, I realize the only thing I can do that truly means anything is to embrace love and peace.

So as I move forward, today, tomorrow, maybe even another day if the Lord sees fit, all I ask for are more moments to show and receive true love and true peace. I'm sorry, I'm wearing these words thin on reporting about a half-witted thought. So I'll just end with this:

Thank you for the love and peace you've offered me over the last ten years. You have no idea how much you have changed me. I hope I get to see you again soon. I’ve got a giant bear hug I've been planning to give to you.

Love and Peace, my friends.

My Daughters Are Seizing

The only thing seizing today are my girls after they discovered they are going to Disney World in a month!

Today is their birthday (Marian is 5 and Viola is 4) and we thought this would be the perfect time to tell them. We never would have been able to do this, but our dear friends Seth and Chris invited us and HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU SAY NO TO THAT?! So we'll probably be spending the majority of the next month showing them youtube videos of all the different things they will get to do there.

This trip reminds me of when I went to Disney World when I was in 5th grade and my dad FORCED my sister's and I to wear fanny packs with my parents' contact information in the pockets. I thought he was crazy then, but you better believe I'll be doing THE EXACT SAME THING when we go (and I'll also be wearing a fanny pack on my own volition).

This month has been unbelievably crazy. Lori sold The Sparrows building (coffee shop is still there) on Wealthy St. to help repay the debt we acquired from opening (and closing) our second shop on Bridge Street. I swallowed my final chemo pills last week on the same day I was being interviewed for a quite interesting (part-time) job, and yesterday my doctor reported that my MRI shows that my tumor is just hanging out which is fantastic news!

But I feel like I'm caught in a whirlwind right now. My girls continue to grow with marks on the wall to prove it, my wife is doing amazing things to "up" her business, but I feel like every day for the past year has been such a struggle for me to get out of bed due to these chemo meds. The only thing that has saved me is my doctor prescribing me with Adderall right before I took my trip to Japan. Hey cancer folks! If you are on chemo, ORDER YOUR DOCTOR TO PUT YOU ON ADDERALL. Sure, it may be low dose speed, but it's the only thing that saved me over this past year.

I'm still trying to focus on Bent Not Broken, but it's just so hard to raise money for an event that nobody has ever seen before! The event costs $25,000 total and it's such a struggle to raise that money. Now I'm officially positive my spiritual gift is NOT to raise money, but to spend it in awesome ways! Ha! If you have a person with cancer in your life, it would be amazing if you could donate $1,000 to pay for them (and their personal supporter if they choose to bring them) to attend.

YOUR donation will include lodging for two nights, amazing vegetarian food, cancer survivor stories, lessons in stress reduction, cancer-friendly exercise including yoga, watching a fantastic documentary named, "Heal," comedians who have been through cancer, musicians who have been through cancer, and enough marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers to keep us up all night sitting around a campfire laughing and crying as we share our stories.

Go here to learn more about sponsoring a survivor!

It's a TRULY magical event. Something I needed SO badly when I was initially diagnosed, but could never find. I was going to find an inspirational quote to go here, so I looked and found that T-Pain says it best, "Once people tell me I can't do stuff, I'm going to go and make it happen." Stay tuned and see what God can do when His people take risky chances in His name... I'm scared as shit, but I refuse to back down. 

But before then, we will be hosting a gathering at The Old Goat here in Grand Rapids. If you have cancer, we are welcoming you and your family to join us for an amazing night of vegetarian food and music by, "Third Coast Dgypsy Jazz." If you'd like to sign up to come, go here. If you want to just show up, please do! This event is for YOU and we are counting on our local businesses to make it FREE for you!

And also! We will be holding my 10th cancerversary party on June 7th at Sandy Point Beach House! Again, feel free to show up after 5:00-ish as we celebrate my "I Am Still Alive" victory by flipping off a lovely cake!

Great to be back here writing, throwing up my guts for you once again. Need to do this more often. Until then, I'll be working on my Mickey Mouse voice to appease my daughters for the next month.

Here we go again!

Goodness gracious, I am so frickin' scared right now...

I just announced the next Bent Not Broken's event and I feel like I'm lost in a desert. I KNOW this idea came from God and I know that the people who attended the first Gathering truly enjoyed it, but everytime I try to move something important forward into the world it is always through dark cobwebs of fear and doubt. As with the first event, I'm going to need A LOT of help, prayers, and cash from those of you who support this cause!

If you want to catch up with Bent Not Broken, we just posted our newest video asking for donations:

Nevertheless, we have been blessed to have our next event at Onsite Workshops, near Nashville, Tennessee! It will be August 2-4th and AGAIN, will be FREE to cancer survivors! It's such an amazing space!

Check this out... "Located in a beautiful ranch-like setting in the breathtaking rolling hills outside of Nashville, TN, Onsite provides a safe, loving, family environment where guests can break the cycles that hold them back and rediscover themselves and their relationships. We are committed to creating the highest quality experience possible through our passion, innovation, and service. Known for many years as the worldwide leader in therapeutic and personal growth workshops, our primary goal is to help each guest reach their full potential of emotional freedom."

I LOVE IT! I couldn't have asked for a better partner to host this next gathering. Everyone I have spoken to there has been so kind and is cheering us on to throw another great event! BUT, we still need donations, and I'll be going after them in a new city with new people to ask, so the stress level is already starting to steam up. 

But if God chooses to keep me on this planet, He's going to have to deal with me continuing to shoot for the moon! He asked me to help those who have struggled as I have, so I have formed, what I believe to be, the best get-away for cancer survivors in existence. If you don't believe me, check out our survivor videos!

Survivor Lisa Bade:

 

Survivor Tina Derusha: 

 

Survivor Bari Simon:

 

In fact, here is a photo of everyone from our 2018 gathering at the Franciscan Life Process Center thanking you from the bottom of their Bent Not Broken hearts!

Alright, enough already... I ask that those of you who have been following my story would know that THIS is the next part of my story! So to start this whole thing up again is showing me that I AM STILL ALIVE! It seems like a risky life, wading through these cobwebs, but I'll take it!

If you'd like to donate, you can go to bentnotbroken.org and click on "Donate Now," you can mail your donation to the main office at 200 Holmdene Blvd. NE Grand Rapids, MI 49503, or you can call me and I'll take your donation over the phone: six-one-six, three eight nine, four zero four zero.

Oh! And if you're new, check out my book at Thank You Kung Fu and it'll catch you up!

Thank You Kung Fu (FINALLY!)

 

I purchased a book for Lori on our last anniversary. Each page has a small little exercise that both of you fill out so you can get to know each other a little better. One of the pages asked us, "What are you the most proud of?" I thought that should have been a pretty simple question for me to answer, but it wasn't. I've had the opportunity to participate in some amazing things, fantastic projects, and incredible random events. But I couldn't figure out what I was the most proud of. And then, like a right hook, it hit me...

It's this damn book. Never have I put this much hard work into a single project, never have I cried so many tears, never have I struggled so much to know what to and not to include. But here we are. It's done.

I have previously said before that no one knew all of the details in this book, even my wife Lori who only discovered the details when she read the book just before it was printed. All that to say, I have emptied my guts into this book. The ridiculous things I've done, the miserable decisions I've made, the horrible moments that have left me in shock. It's just, I feel like it's just all too much. And as I say in the preface, I'm absolutely positive every single one of us has heard crazier stories, but this one is my story to tell.

I get to own this story. 

I hope that you find some sort of wisdom in this book, even if that wisdom is, "TO NEVER EVER DO THIS!" But that is what true stories should be about. Helping express both the good and bad decisions we make and hoping that people can learn from them. I love all of you for participating in this with me! Thank you!

Feel free to stop by The Sparrows Coffee Shop (1035 Wealthy St.) this Saturday to pick up a signed book, whether you paid for it through Kickstarter or you'd like to purchase it then. I'll be there all day! If you'd like to purchase this online, go to Mascot Book's site and purchase it there. 

Kitchen Floor Cancer

I had another seizure. 

I was home, eating at the table, and I felt it coming. With my drugs right now, I can sense a partial seizure (meaning I can feel it coming on but it doesn't progress) simmering which happens about 1-3 times a day, but randomly this seizure just merrily skipped past my pills and dropped me to the floor of my kitchen. Lori came running in and before I knew it my sister Heather and Lori's brother Todd rushed through the front door. Todd was watching the kids and Heather immediately went to get me some coconut water. (I'm sure I've explained this is the past, but drinking coconut water helps keep these seizures away.) And now, with every single movement, I can feel the pain across my body reminding me that cancer won this last battle.

Twenty days after being back on the road from my September seizure, I can't drive for another 6 months. I'm actually thinking about giving up my car. If any of you are interested in buying it, let me know. If not, I'll probably donate it to Goodwill or something.

This sucks. In fact, it really makes me struggle with God when I have chosen to dedicate myself to step away from my business, RobinHood Ink., and stand up for other cancer survivors. And when I make that massive move I'm hit with two seizures, taking me off the road when I NEED to be on the road the most. So now, I'm relying on family to drive me around and I hate taking them away from what they need to be doing.

I've thought about it, and while my wife, Heather, and Todd are PLEASED to help me, I hate to inconvenience them. Which then makes me think that maybe the cancer survivors we are serving through Bent Not Broken are thinking the same thing. They would hate to "inconvenience" someone else from going. But screw that... This gathering is for YOU! And if you think some other survivor should attend more than you, you're wrong.

I'm starting to add up the total costs of all of the services we will be providing and with only half of the services responding, we're already over $20,000. Do you hear that? If that continue, we are going to offer over $40,000 dollars of purpose, meaning, and hope in 2 days! We're not selling anything, we're not affiliated with any products, it's just love! All we want to do is love you in the best way possible, from facials, massages, amazing survivor stories, therapeutic yoga, lessons in de-stressing, creating healing artwork, learning about anti-cancer food (then eating anti-cancer food), and healthy cheap alternative treatments that have been scientifically proven to destroy cancer.

ALL OF THIS is offered for absolutely no cost. Maybe if I put on a doctor's white coat people will start believing me. 

I'm struggling with my cancer right now, and whether I'm running the show or not I can't wait to go and hear from those in our community who are desperate to help me and help you overcome it. I would say "join us," but after being punched in the face again, I'll say join ME in learning how to straight up krav maga our cancers.

Com' on. What do you have to lose? Then consider, what do you have to gain? Join up with Bent Not Broken, get $40,000 worth of information/strength/comfort/motivation/love, and let's throw our cancers on the kitchen floor. Until then, let's press on and remember this quote I recently put on my tumblr page...

Updates on Bent Not Broken!

I don't know if you guys are seeing this, but it seems Facebook has changed who and what we see on our timelines. And as frustrating as it is, I wanted to post this awesome information here so we can all celebrate together!

First off, we just got a donation from Meijer! It's so great to see our local companies supporting those who are dealing with cancer. They are the first "major" corporate donation we've seen, so step up Grand Rapids! Who's going to be next corporation and donate to this needed movement!?

Secondly, I wanted to let you know about progress on our next event at the Franciscan Life Process Center. It is lining up incredibly well! All we need now are sponsorship dollars and cancer survivors! Please contact me if you know those who are struggling with cancer. We would LOVE to give them support and hope at NO COST.

So far our gathering will include cancer survivor stories from Sarah Thebarge, Lisa Thompson, and myself. We will have professional speakers like Elle Ingalls on stress relief methods, Kristin Swann from Grand Rapids Wellness speaking on Chinese Medicines, Michael Walker on Naturopathic Oncology, Cynthia Hagedorn on Healing Arts from Square Peg Events, partners from Grand Rapids Natural Health in a panel discussion, and David Allen speaking on his moving stories he hears while tattooing breasts after mastectomy surgeries.

We will also have a counselor speaking to the partners of these cancer survivors, amazing music from Ralston Bowles, and two comedians, Joey Guila and Dana Eagle, who each have had cancer and will help us unwind with some great (cancer) jokes. After all laughter is the best medicine! We are STILL looking for a yoga instructor who has been through cancer, so if you know one, pass them along!

Visit us at bentnotbroken.org and read more about the event. Stay tuned and consider donating to Bent Not Broken Gathering! Much love!